I’m not embarrassed at all to admit that I am a gigantic Full House fan, which you probably already know, if you’re reading this. If you grew up in the nineties and you think you’re too cool to watch Fuller House, coming out on Netflix this week, well PIN A ROSE ON YOUR NOSE. Full House is a show I’ve always found comfort in. I have it on frequently, but even more often when I’m frustrated with my supposed shortcomings (like when Joey doesn’t win Star Search), when I’m getting over a breakup (like when Jesse and Becky temporarily break up because Jesse is selfish and won’t do anything Becky likes to do but then tries to force Elvis on her every 20 minutes), or when I’m in the middle of a mega-crisis (like when Todd Mitchell tells the whole school DJ is a bad kisser).

I went to a Full House trivia two summers ago, and loved it so much that I ended up hosting trivia for that company for a year and a half. I’ve read every review on the (not-safe-for-work) hilarious website, Full House Reviewed (who I borrowed my screenshots from). I made my whole family watch the Unauthorized Full House Story on Lifetime that was even more terrible than the episode “Our Very First Telethon”, if you can believe it.

I’ve been teased about a Full House reunion from the internet before and my heart has hurt each time that it was just a rumor or an April Fools’ joke. Even when I heard the “official” news that Netflix had picked up Fuller House, I waited until I started seeing the trailers (and teared up during them?) to believe it. To pump myself up (unnecessary), I’ve been DVRing every episode from Nick-at-Nite. I’ve noticed that there are quite a few episodes about travel mishaps the Tanner family has had. And why not combine two of my obsessions?

Here’s what I learned about travel from Full House.

#1 – Don’t Board a Flight without a Ticket:

According to “Come Fly With Me” from Season 6, security in the ’90s in the San Francisco airport was pretty lax. When DJ gets off her flight home from studying abroad in Spain, she is more excited about her new boy toy Steve instead of seeing her family. Stephanie and Michelle make friends with the International Young People’s Choir since they are insulted by DJ’s actions. They say goodbye to their new friends by getting on the plane with them, which of course, takes off with the girls still on it. If I’d been on this flight I would have been glaring at the children with my most evil of eyes. The girls screamed loudly when they found out they were flying to Auckland, New Zealand and not Oakland, California. Then Michelle decided it was a good idea to walk up and down the aisle singing “She’ll be Coming ‘Round the Mountain.” Although the flight attendant clearly tells Stephanie and Michelle that stowaways on flights go to prison for a very long time, nothing happens to the girls because they are never punished for anything.

#2 – Don’t Check Important Baggage:

The Full House family has bad luck when flying to a Tanner family reunion in Colorado, during season 2’s “Our Very First Christmas Show.” Due to an unexpected blizzard, the plane is stopped in an airport in the Rockies. The flight’s passengers have to stay overnight at airport baggage claim and everyone is clearly upset, especially DJ because the presents are lost. I know how she feels, having lost my luggage twice. I’ve slept in the Hong Kong airport overnight and it was a pretty awful experience, but I can’t even imagine having to do it with Joey Gladstone in the same room AND on Christmas. In the only most funny moment of the episode, Danny decides to sleep on the baggage claim conveyor belt and Michelle presses the button for it to start. Poor Danny comes back with a pile of snow on top of him. Luckily the Tanners’ Christmas presents also eventually show up on the conveyor belt and everyone is happy again because, presents.

#3 – Planning Can Only Go So Far:

In season 3’s opener, “Tanner Island,” the gang is headed to Hawaii to celebrate two years of Joey and Jesse moving in to help Danny with the girls. Danny announces that he has scheduled everything they’re going to do on his “clipboard of fun.” One of the things that’s scheduled is rides for the girls on dolphins, which I’m pretty sure hurts the dolphins’ fins. I’d rather watch dolphins from a boat, like my sister and I did when we were in Hawaii. A little planning is always good when you travel, but sometimes the best things that happen are the unexpected adventures. In the Tanner family’s case, this means Danny mistaking a potato chip crumb on a map for an island and then docking at a seemingly empty shore, losing the boat, and everyone freaking out to the point where Becky jumps off a waterfall to get away from Jesse. Luckily, the island isn’t uncharted and there’s an awesome Hawaiian dance performance going on, which of course, the family gets to become a part of.

#4 – Don’t Touch Anything in a Museum:

When I travel, I often visit museums (especially if there’s anything Picasso made in the city I’m visiting). I’ve seen way too many people touch relics and artwork worth more than Kanye West is in debt right now. Michelle is one of these people during season 6’s “Please Don’t Touch the Dinosaur.” She is fooling around with Denise and runs right into a roped-in area with a dinosaur skeleton and grabs the dinosaur’s leg. This causes the entire skeleton to slowly (and menacingly) fall to the ground while Uncle Jesse tries to stop it. MICHELLE. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! Watch this for what’s probably my top Full House scene of all time. “Man. There’s nothing left but his butt!” Jesse steps on the dinosaur bones then picks them up and tries to put them back together as if there hasn’t been enough damage done. Just don’t touch anything, capisce?

#5 – Be a Tourist in Your Own Zip Code:

Even though the show takes place in San Francisco, we only typically see the Painted Ladies houses, that field in front, and the Golden Gate bridge. The family rarely goes outside aside from their backyard. When Comet (the dog), escapes while Michelle is walking him in “Comet’s Excellent Adventure,” he has an *excellent adventure* in SF with a new lady friend. When I had my old blog that was mostly about New York, “A Tourist in my own Zip Code” was my tag line. The reason I started this blog was because I thought too many people who lived in NYC were only going out to eat and drink and not actually enjoying what brought millions of people to NYC each year. Be like Comet. Get out there and see your own city.

#6 – Don’t Elope while on Vacation:

Full House actually addresses this topic twice. In season 2’s “Luck be a Lady,” Jesse and Becky almost elope at the “Fabulous Ali Baba Hotel and Casino” and in season 8’s “Taking the Plunge,” Kimmy almost elopes with Duane (“Whatever”) after not getting into college. According to the Full House writers, Lake Tahoe and Reno are big elopement destinations, even though the Tanners are just as close to Las Vegas, which might make more sense. I’m sure some of these vacation marriages work out, but I’m glad up to this point that I’ve avoided it because every boyfriend I’ve traveled with is not my boyfriend anymore.

#7 – Connect with Nature:

Even though the Tanners are rarely outdoors, finding yourself in nature is another theme that’s featured in Full House more than once. After being made fun of by his family for cleaning too much in season 5’s “Trouble with Danny,” Danny goes “up to the mountains to do some thinking.” He rides a donkey named Norman up to a clearing and because he’s in nature, thinks deeply about how crazy he is for being so obsessed with cleaning and realizes he needs to make some changes in his life. “Oh man, nature is just so beautiful..so natural…so dirty…this mountain is just one big pile of dirt.” In “Love on the Rocks” from season 7, DJ realizes while she’s in nature climbing on rocks that her and Steve are going nowhere, that they need to break up, and that she’ll be just fine.

#8 – When Traveling with Others, Compromise:

Michelle runs the Tanner household for sure, getting everything she ever wants and not being punished for anything, but she especially bosses everyone around during season 6’s “The House Meets the Mouse.” When the family travels to Disney World, Michelle is crowned “Princess for a Day” which is no different than her everyday life. She bosses DJ, Steph, and Kimmy around so much that they start talking smack about her. Of course, she hears, runs off, and gets lost because she can’t just realize that she should let them do some things they want to do too.

#9 – Always Bring Snacks:

In season 6’s “Subterranean Graduation Blues,” the whole family (minus DJ) is stuck underground (on what looks like the NYC subway, even though they’re still in San Francisco) during Jesse’s high school graduation ceremony (even though in earlier seasons he talked about how he did graduate high school). While the gang is stuck, Joey is hungry and lusts over another dude’s sandwich. When traveling, always have a little something in your bag so you don’t have to stop for food when you want to keep on exploring, but also so that you can stay alive and happy when stuck underground or in a tunnel. This happens quite frequently when traveling, especially if you ever take the 6 train in NYC, as I do everyday.

xx